Yesterday, I sat in a lawn chair on a sunny fall afternoon near the banks of the Grand River and watched our 15 year-old son Mitch play a double-header with his fall travel baseball team.
Our whole family was able to attend since Kenna is home from North Carolina for a month. Of course, with her new acclamation to the southern climate, she said she was “freezing” and wrapped herself tight in two blankets.
The rest of us had on light fall jackets.
It was in the upper 50′s. She was still “f-f-f-freezing!” (Paybacks perhaps for all of the times she sent a picture to me in mid-winter of her car’s thermometer reading 80 degrees when our wind-chill was below zero!)
Grandma Ehman and my hubby’s sister Thais were there too. We had an impromptu get together since they are about an hour from the ball diamond. Needless to say, Mitch had an entire cheering section and, well, we Ehmans like to cheer loudly!
While we were hootin’ and hollerin’ and carrying on, a young couple walked by with a son no more than two years old. As I viewed him from the side
with his little brown jacket and thick, strawberry blond hair, I had to catch my breath! He looked nearly the same way my now-sophomore son did back in the fall of 1996.
That fall was when Mitch first began to show his talent for and love of baseball, turning everything he could into a “ball”.
“Mom! Mom! Catch ball!”, he’d say as he picked up an orange, a potato or even a Christmas bulb (yikes!) and chucked it to me.
Others got a chuckle out of his antics and commented how cute it was.
I, as a former high school and college sports reporter and total baseball lover, secretly smiled over the fact that he not only could throw it far and accurately, but he always did it with his left hand! (I won’t bore you with the reason why left-handed ball players, especially pitchers, are at a great advantage. However, if your curiosity gets the best of you, click here to see why.)
As I sat there watching that toddler run around in the fallen leaves, my heart took a trip back in time.
Sure, sometimes I miss having babies and toddlers around, but for the most part, I am thankful for wise advice I got when they were little.
“Enjoy every stage and drink it in” one mentor said. “Don’t lament that your babies are growing up and getting older. Be excited with them for all of the new experiences they are having and things they are learning.”
I’ve seen this with our daughter.
So many moms have patted me on the back with a “How are you doing?” since she moved to NC right after graduation from high school last year. Now, while I miss hanging out with her and would certainly love to spend more time with her, I feel I cannot be selfish.
She LOVES her life in the south. Adores her “girls” (the kids of the family she nannies for) and her other jobs too (she has a total of three!) She is connected at her church discipling a few junior high girls and is well connected with several ministries for college-aged adults.
She LOVES her life and feels dead-center in God’s will.
Why then would I want her home in her pink bedroom, just to make ME happy?
I am thankful for the advice to hold my children–even though I love them to pieces–loosely in my hands.
A clenched fist is hard, and sometimes painful, to open.
So moms, go love on and enjoy your kids today. Drink in deep every exhaustingly wonderful moment you have with them.
But realize…
They belong to God, not you.
While raising kids is to be our most important ministry, remember– we are empowering them to go live a life independent of us and dependent only on God.
Then, when they launch, you can be properly positioned where you should be:
On the sidelines, sipping hot cider and cheering like crazy!
Sweet Blessings,
This is an awesome post Karen. As I sit here teary eyed reading it at work, I am reminded that my one and only child is very close to leaving the nest. Last week as we went to our first college fair, I was so proud of myself for actually encouraging her to think beyond a 50 mile radius of home. Even though I have 2 years left (actually less than that as she is into her junior year), I was encouraging her to pray about what God’s plan would be for her life as it pertained to career, location and life in general. I pray that all the love and support that we (I am referring to the village that helped me raise her) poured into her over the years has built a firm foundation that will have her prepared to leave the nest, fully prepared for what this world will throw her way.
You are a great momma Karen!!
Great reminder as we raise our 9 and 11 year old daughters along w/the new experience of my 16 year old niece living with us for her senior year. I’m trying not to over react to everything. How easy it is to get caught up in the drama of the moment and get stuck there for too long.
Thanks.
Thanks for your words…they are so true! My greatest purpose beyond glorifying God in MY life is to prepare my kids to glorify Him in theirs. What an honor!
I love this post! This is so true. My mother gave me this same sage advice when my son was born six years ago. It’s sometimes hard to live in the moment – especially when our children are babies/toddlers. If only they could sit up. If only they could crawl/walk. (And then look out!) If only they could talk. (Hmmm…kind rethinking that one: No! No! Mine!)
If only. But you’re so right. It’s much better to enjoy what they’re doing right now; in the moment – because that moment is fleeting and all-too-soon they’re grown up. I remind my six-year-old frequently that he used to fit from head to toe on my lap. Now, he can barely sit on my lap. Cherish the moments because they’re gone all-too-soon. Thanks for the great reminder!
Laura
GREAT advice! I’m glad Laura (just above me here in the comment area) tweeted it! And thank you for writing it!
Karen,
My sons are now 26 and 30. They have had the privileage to experience a lot of different things in their life. My oldest has worked Lifeway camps for several years. He has been truly blessed with a lot of neat experiences that he will treasure for a lifetime. My oldest son has lived away for several years. Friends and family comment to me all the time about how hard this must be for me— I remind them that they are God’s gifts. I enjoy seeing them experience and take advantage of opportunities that God puts before them. I miss them and I pray God’s will for them not my will. I love them dearly, but He loves the so much more.
As a mom to three young girls, I completely understand! And since I am NC, I completely understand your daughter’s love of the South, too.
My oldest is 13 and it won’t be long before she is a young adult. *sigh* YET…I am excited to see what God is calling her to. I love watching her grow and learn.
Thank you for sharing this beautiful post. And thank you for reminding us that our children do belong to Him and He is full capable of taking care of them!
I don’t have children of my own but my sister and sister in laws have done a fantastic job of being there for the important moments of my nieces and nephews lives. They are also doing great letting go. Not that it’s easy but they’re working through it really well.
I read your article on being feisty and I definitely need to work on that with a few people. Thank you for the honest glimpse into your life. It helps a lot.
Karen – My children are 20, 18, and 15. I completely agree with your post today (it’s my first visit here – I came from Encouragement). My son is in starting his second year at college and my daughter her first. The hard part is when you see them struggling! My son is in a Mechanical Engineer program and it is so tough – he is always very stressed when I talk to him. It breaks my heart. I will try to remember that he is God’s and trust that God will provide all he needs to get through.
I just read an email from my sister-in-law this morning, she responded to my email in which I sent a picture of my girls at a pumpkin patch, my girls are 6 and 9. My sister-in-law’s children are in college, out of college and applying to college. Her comment back to me was, “Those are the most wonderful years…enjoy that time.” She has been experiencing empty nest.
But this morning I was yelling at my girls as they fooled around while getting ready for school, grabbed my oldest out of the bathroom as she bothered her sister brushing her teeth and said unkind words to my husband as he watched TV as I prepared one to get on the bus. How appropriate were your words. I just don’t know how to keep my cool sometimes in the mist of a “storm” of activity, or just enjoy what is in front of me with “mom poise”. I will have to think on this!
Two (more) of our 4 children left the nest early this year…one left at home now. It has been a difficult/confusing transition. To hold them loosely is wise…remembering that: “for I know whom I have believed and I am convinced that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him until that day.” 2Tim1:12b
I am beginning to find my way back…discovering a new season of who God created me to be (along with “wife” and “mom”). It is both exciting and scary…and by His love…it is good.
Great post. Thanks for sharing.
My boys (men now!) are 30 and 24. Oh, how I hated to hear women tell me “enjoy it while it lasts” when they were little. Oh, how I tell to others now!
I think having sons is a little different – when they leave home and get married, they are GONE. Yes, I still talk to them, but they have cleaved to their wives (and their wives’ families – as they should) so I don’t have much influence.
Of course, if we’ve done our job correctly, they will fly the nest and become independent young people. That’s an ironic blessing. Think about it, young mothers. That’s the one thing that comforts me. They don’t *need* my help. Sometimes they need some mothering, but mostly they can take care of themselves and their families. I consider myself (overall) a success as a mother. Sometimes that’s a bitter comfort. Sorry, but I’m being real.
I thank the Lord everyday that he gave them to me for a short time. I see the mistakes I made, but I also see that they have become fine young men.
So glad you are mindfully savoring those moments with your kids. May God bless the new season of life with your daughter.
Thanks for this wonderful post!!! As I sit here teary eyed reading…My boys are growing up….slowly..and I have a southpaw too! Thanks for sharing about what your mentor said to savor every stage and every moment!!! God bless and thanks for writing!!!