Are you desperate?
No, not as in a desperate housewife.
I mean do you ever feel in your mothering that you are in a desperate place?
Exhausting round-the-clock babies.
Trying toddlers.
Physically draining school-aged kids.
Emotionally draining teens.
My friends Sally Clarkson and Sarah Mae are releasing their new book today entitled Desperate: Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breath. Here is what I said in my endorsement of it:
“Motherhood is an emotional roller coaster ride. One moment finds you blessed and proud; the next leaves you stressed and drained. The ups and downs wreak havoc on your heart, often knocking the wind right out of your maternal sails. Desperate is a moms manual for what to do–and what not to do–when you feel the ride is just too scary and you don’t know how you’ll ever hold on. Sarah’s honest questions and Sally’s seasoned advice, laced with biblical insight and hopeful encouragement, will enable mothers of all ages and stages to find strength amidst the struggles, calm with every climb and peace in every plunge.”
If you’d like to know more about this fabulous book (and some cool freebies they are offering) I’ve included links below.
They are also hosting a Twitter party tonight at 9 pm EST. Be sure to check out this wonderfully honest mentoring book for moms.
MY GIVEAWAY: Two of you who comment on this post will win a copy of Desperate. Just tell us this:
What part of mothering leaves you most desperate?
For me? Watching my kids make bad choices sometimes and then suffer the fallout. It seems it would be easier to over-control them and yet, I know they need to learn hard lessons for themselves.
How about you? What makes you a desperate mom sometimes?
As a mother,the thing that most leaves me desperate is when your children “fall” and there is absolutely nothing you can do for them but pray. It is very painful to watch your children go through something that you can’t help or make better. Also, when your adult children or step children make a choice to never come around again because they can’t have things their way. It makes you desperate to try and fix the problem and you can’t only God can.
Being consistent with discipline, sometimes you would just want to “give in”.
I feel most desperate when I think about if I have done enough to prepare them in becoming responsible adults. This is especially true for my 16 year old son who has no cares in the world. Sometimes it can be overwhelming!
I am most desperate when my kids are fighting. I want them to learn how to lean on each other and love each other no matter what.
My 3 fight often. It is a source of my desperation, too. It makes me think of how the Lord must feel when his children do not get along. I usually got along w/ my sister. My husband and his younger sister hated each other when young, but now are the best of friends. I feel like Jesus is giving me hope through this knowledge. I hope it encourages you, too.
Lori,
I, also, had a hateful relationship with my 4 year younger brother, that I was raised with (w/mom) and today we are very best friends, in truly loving our mother, no matter how we grew up.
My own adult children are closer now, than when growing up, especially the sisters. They eldest is closer to dad and working her way back to me. I’m going to try to be more diligent with communication with her, at a distance and hope to get closer still. There is hope. Be sure of it.
The most desperate thing to me at this point in my parenting life is the fact my children are in college and I try not to hover and tell them what to do while not being totally disconnected. It’s a thin line to walk!
I worry about the choices I made and how it affects them and that I feel responsible for them. I divorced their dad when they were young and it seems that has had a really negative effect on them. I am constantly trying to help them because I feel so guilty.
Deborah,
I, also, divorced my children’s father when they were very young. I lost one in the process to him, by her choice. Broke my heart. I feel guilty, too, but now that she’s older, she understands so much more of the world, and she’s come back, from a distance, as she’s studying on the other side of the country now.
My desperation comes when I hear those dreaded words, “your mean”, when I am doing what is best for them. It breaks me down knowing this is the way they are feeling and what I am doing is necessary. I know this to shall pass and they won’t think that 10 minutes into the future. But at that moment I am in desperate need of help and guidance.
Suzie,
I just said, factly, “yes I can be, but I love you” and it seemed to work, even through my own sadness and guilt about a situation. Discipline for myself was my biggest help. It taught them that my words were serious to the next consequence, which the exact word I used as soon as they turned two. Good luck.
The most desparate part of parenting is watching them go away on their own and knowing they must but feeling sad & glad that they are making their own way in the world without you!
The most desparate part of parenting for me is the lack of a trusting loving relationship with one of my sons. I love him so much but get so frustrated and then feel guilty. If I want to have a relationship with him (talk to him, ask him about his day, etc.) then I am interfering. If I don’t talk to him, I don’t care. What to do? It hurts a lot.
Desperate for balance between loving kids and giving them freedom to do activities and the need for my time and rest. Desperate to turn off guilt!
Dealing with an emotional teenager! I have raised one already, but you would think that I was a rookie….parenting is not for cowards! I love my kids though and will remember that this too shall pass.
My most desperate part of mothering is having to be a working mom, Spending 8 hours at work, 2 on dinner, then it is time to bathe my son and put him to bed. Seriously when do I have time to spend with him training him? And you can forget cleaning the house.
What makes me desperate as a mom is not knowing if my children’s goals and desires now line up with God’s plan for their lives. Sometimes I just wish I could see into the future so I could have the wisdom to guide them in the here and now! Trusting God for these things…. Not always easy!
Anne,
I played ten fingers “I’ve never” with them. This is how I learned where they were, in their experiences and how they felt, spiritually, for their futures. You put both hands in the air (everyone) and you start with someone and if someone else has never, they put down a finger. With all my life experiences, I thought I’d lose first, but I won, and I was happy to know where they stood on issues of my concern. Good luck.
I’m a mom of three biological children and a brand new stepmom to three children. I’m most desperate when the majority of the six seem to be having bad days at the same time — which only happens just when I think we’ve all hit an even stride with our new lives/routines. One of my resolutions this year is to take my frustrations to prayer instead of expecting my children (all of them) to always keep the peace. I know their squabbles are part of their development and growing up experiences and they need my/our guidance on how to resolve their issues.
The desparation comes with my teenage daughter – the emotional roller coaster she is on and taking us all along for the ride – the growing pains for both of us as she continues to move into adulthood – the kind, caring, sweetheart of a girl who becomes evil, hateful and vindictive faster than a revolving door. This stage is wearing me out and I have a hard time reconciling what is a heartfelt comment and what is simply overtired and overwrought coming through. She really is amazing!
Susan,
I, finally, gave her to dad, as she wished, when she was 15. Hardest thing I’ve done with her, and yet there are many hard things I had to do with her. She was the most challenging child I have raised, of many (mine and others) and she just wanted freedom from responsibility and consequences.
Now, she is in her early 20′s and away at school, on the other side of the country. She will now talk to me again, and visit. There is hope that your baby will love you the way you want again. Good luck.
Watching my daughter mirror myself, not liking it one bit and being at a complete loss as to how to inpsire change.
My desperation comes for fearing that I’m not doing enough to “lead them in the ways of the Lord”. I don’t want them to stray from His will for their lives and I’m not sure I’m teaching them enough how to lean completely on Him and seeking for His will. I let things get in the way of spending time with them in The Word & then I wonder why they are acting out, fighting, yelling, disobeying. Don’t get me wrong – I have 3 young daughters that are really, really good girls…. but you know???
I’m the mom to an 18 yr old son that has an addiction to porn….watching him struggle with that makes me desperate. I’m desperate to try & protect him from access…but more desperate for him to reach out to his Heavenly Father to help him beat the addiction.
I feel desperate when I do not see my teenager living for God, or does not seem to have an interest in the things of God, but is given over to more worldliness. I am driven to my knees in prayer, knowing that is all I can earthly do.
Seeing my failures in them. And my lack of patience.
My desperation comes when I get behavior notes from school. Sometimes I just don’t know what to do!
I am most desperate in my parenting when it comes to discipline. I so desperately want to discipline my three children differently than my parents disciplined me. I fight hard not to model their behavior and parenting style, but at the same time, that’s all I know. I want to be more loving and less harsh. More forgiving, nurturing, and understanding. And all the while I struggle with the possibility that I’m messing up their lives! So difficult trying to find my way through this life as a parent.
What makes me a desperate mom is the fact that because of the hustle and bustle of life, I dont seem to have enough time to spend with my children. After a hard day at work I have to divide my time between cooking, tidying up, helping the kids with homework, spending time with the hubby etc. It hurts because when my child sometimes needs me I am to tired and sometimes I take out my fustration out on them and all they want is my attentioon. This leaves me feeling so guilty. I pray about it and ask for God’s help because if I didn’t, the guilt would probablydrive me crazy- desperate mom
I’m a single parent – I have one daughter who is almost four – and I don’t feel like I ever give her as much of me as she wants or needs because I’m so exhausted by running a home on my own. The choice to be in this position was not mine; my husband – her father – left when she was 2 to be with another woman.
It makes me feel like a colossal failure that a) she isn’t getting the family I so wanted her to have and b) my temper is short as is my time with her.
I definitely feel desperate.
I wish I could give you a hug of encouragement today. Psalms 28: 6-7
Rachael,
I was a single mother, to very young children, under six, when I forced the divorce. Sometimes I regret it as I continue to walk in stress, even as they are adults, now.
I just wanted you to know that I had the same experience, even though he didn’t want the divorce at all. I didn’t like his parenting roles, nor did I like being a single mother or Navy widow to his deployments. Our schedules didn’t match and we were very unyoked. I know that I did the right thing to save them and they are now the most amazing adults. (they wouldn’t claim they’ll ever be adults, though.)
I have a tween and a teen… as we journey through this season and these next several years I am desperate to be confident and be assured that I am doing the right things and parenting in the right way so as to prepare them for college, adulthood, and beyond. I know that I will always be their mom, but right now, am I nurturing, guiding, counseling, teaching, preparing, mentoring, juggling and wearing all the right hats at the all the right times to train them in the ways of the Lord, that they would give Him first place and follow hard after Him?
Once I start arguing with my girl, I am desperate to be in control, to insist that she show respect. Sometimes I am better off giving her time but I feel like the world is not right if she can’t talk to me in a nice way. I have to focus in God’s help and give the control over to Him. I listen to a lot of sermons and read books like this one to keep my mind fresh with God’s love.
I feel desperate when I can not control a situation regarding my children. How do I learn to let go and let God?? I’m desperate.
I am not a desperate mom yet, but I am about to become a first time mom in February. I am praying that God places wise, Godly role models in my path consistently to encourage me and keep me from that desperate place.
When my challenging child vehemently resists learning how to do every new life skill and fights us on even the positive, fun experiences.
I am in a blended family. My highest desperation comes from the poor decisions that happen from the other homes where there is no consequence for poor choices (other parent does them, too) and then tries to manipulate situations in our house by saying things to our son like “We don’t have a right to make our son go to church with us” or “we don’t have a right to make a time limit to the X-Box when they didn’t buy it.” (Crazy, huh? That is just the beginning!)
We have to remind our son of our family rules, why we have them and deal with the fallout when it happens. My husband gets so frustrated with my former husband and gets so hurt when our son shows favor to the other father (when my current husband is more of a father (and far better of a father) than my son’s birth father. I want hearts mended, minds set on common goals, and focuses placed in the right place… but I can’t force anyone to get to those places. So much time is on my knees some days.
I have five children, when it comes to giving them all equal mommy time, and treating each one age appropriate… this is by far much harder than anything I have to complete at the 9 to 5 J-O-B.
I only have one child and he is seven. This is still a very innocent age and the moment I feel most desperate is when I think of him growing up. I always say I want to freeze him at this age, but I know (obviously!) I cannot do that! I fear for him in this world that has seem to have gone mad. I pray we are instilling in him what he needs to have a his own walk with the Lord and rely on Him and be a light for Him.
Boy, do I want to win a copy of this! My desperate right now is lack of sleep. My 19 month old will not sleep through the night and when I get back into bed, my husband, myself or other 3 kids are coughing due the constant colds we are getting this year. I cannot sleep in, kids need to get off to school, mother in law (who has dementia) needs breakfast, etc and husband needs help getting going. Naps are my only time alone. I know this too shall pass, but I am looking “desparately” forward to the days when sleep is good.
I feel most desperate in trying to find discipline technique that works best…. and being consistent with it! I also have a VERY active almost three year old, we struggle the most with listening and obeying… I am not sure if it is just a toddler thing, a boy thing or a serious issue (he is my first
) but that is VERY frustrating and makes me feel quite desperate, especially when in public!
Phaedra,
I had a horrible time when my son was two and beyond, with public displays or embarrassment. We decided that when he acted out we would go back home. This didn’t work well because then I was never getting anything done without stopping and going home. i talked to my mother-in-law and she said that she had this problem with her youngest son (my husband was the first born) and that she just decided to go without him every chance she could, so she could get things done.
Both of us were very clear and explained exactly what we were going to do as a consequence to his behavior. He was a screamer in public if you ever had to say no to him. It was awful. But, today, is a brilliantly intelligent spiritually strong inspiration.
Just don’t give up is what I told myself every time. Sometimes, today, I see desperate mothers, in the grocery store and I whisper to them “good job Mom” to encourage them trying to discipline in public, whether I feel its a good job or not. Its not my judgement just my support for her journey. Good luck to you. Good job, mom, sticking to your guns and making fantastic examples.
My 6 year old makes me desparate…diagnosed with ADHD…and we cannot get him to sleep at night unless he is in bed with one of us! If we force the issue–he is up all night long–and of course so are we! Why can’t he be like his older sister who goes to bed as soon as her head hits the pillow and is out until her alarm goes off?
The emotional rollercoaster of 3 teens-13,13,16-and one tween (three are girls) make me desperate to keep myself under control and so teach them to find stability. Desperate for them to apply the biblical truths they have been taught since we adopted them.
I am most desperate when I make mountain out of molehill and make molehill out of mountain. I am always going back and forth with my hope for my boys. One minute they are wonderful then next minute they are horrible.
A recent desperate moment occured after my son responded to the question, “Do you know for sure that you will go to heaven?” by saying, “Does anyone really know for sure?”. I’ve desperately tried to instruct him on how one would know this with certainty and I thought he was in a place where he knew the Truth. I’m learning instead to trust in God’s faithfulness and the working of the Holy Spirit in my son’s life.
I feel desperate when I try to balance the needs of my three small kids . Giving them all equal time, trying to spend limited resources equally to meet their needs, I find it all very challenging. I especially worry about my middle child who seems to long for more attention at times when I feel as though I have nothing left to give. I pray daily for strength.
Desperate is trying to do too much all the time and not feeling worthy if I don’t… instead of depending on the Lord.
Tackling potty training. Need I say more? Also have two beautiful step daughters that love to disrespect me. Going thru typical”teenage years”. :/
Honestly, a lot about mothering makes me feel desperate!!! I love my boys , but tend to worry a lot about them, in all areas!!! I am trying to just “relax” this year and just trust in Gods plan for their lives, but it is hard!!! This book sounds awesome!!!
I am most desperate when my kids are fighting and it seems all I can do to get them to stop is start yelling at them! I don’t want to yell, but it seems sometimes that is the only thing that gets their attention enough for them to stop.
I am most desperate when my three teens are acting like teens! One more year and I will have four teens. Yikes!
The thing that leaves me feeling the most desperate is lack of sleep! I’ve got an 8 month old and a five year old…between baby wanting to nurse and my five year old having nightmares throughout the night, I’m exhausted most of the time! Since I don’t get the good deep sleep, I tend to be a little goofy headed during the day. Which then makes me feel like I’m not up to my full potential as a mom, wife or daughter…let alone my job as a preschool teacher! I know that this season is only a small chapter in motherhood, and that new things will surface to cause me to be the “desperate mom”…staying desperate for God, though. In the New Testament when it talks about staying in continual prayer, that would be ME!
My oldest is a very strong willed child. He twists words we say for his own purpose. It drives me crazy! I wish he would listen to what we’re really saying. I’d love to read this book!
The most recent desperate moments come when I get a cal or text from my son’s school. We have been having problems with his behavior since his dad passed away back in October. I get so frustrated because he will not talk about it and just bottles it up inside. this has been a hard time in his life and I have a tendency to over compensate for the void that is left in his life.
My Desperate is when 9 year old has reached a level of desperate attention that she starts to act out. I am growing to catch this but at the same time when I am in the desperate time of when 2 year old is not sleeping through the night, she is not eating and is now starting the process of potty training and is really taking a little more of my time so the 9 year old starts to act out so she can get attention too. That is one of my many Desperate moments!
Im a single mother of two small VERY ACTIVE boys. I feel like Im most desparate in two situations: the first is when we are out in public and my kids just act crazy! I feel like a terrible mother and I get a lot of oh well you are a single mother, they really need a man for discipline, poor girl, kinds of consoling from older women in stores. Or I get the faces like why can t you just mind these crazies– bet you are one of those givem everything and never spank em moms. (And its not true! I discipline them!) It makes me feel very desparate. The second situation where I feel absolutely desparate is when they ask me things about their dad because they recognize he doesnt care about them quite as much as they love him. My husband finally left us after some very cruel and painful treatement and it weighs heavily on these great little boys. Running a house, working through the divorce peacefully (and safely), taking care of them, giving them the love they need, trying to find a job, and dealing with the effects of my husbands total lack of interest, breaks my heart and leaves me feeling helpless, tired, frustrated, worried and desparate.
Linday,
I once sat in your shoes and decided that I’d just let my husband show his true colors to them, for me. I relied on the secret prayers I said and he did prove himself. Their opinions of each of us were given to them by each of us and I just kept on keeping on the best that I could. It does get a little easier when they finally see that it was a good thing that we don’t live with him everyday, now. My struggle is to get them to want to go see him and visit in the summer. So far so good, but as their now adults, they really can say no. They haven’t so far and I feel blessed. Good luck.
I am so desperate in finding the right words to talk with my kids to keep them on the right path. Sometimes I feel scared of the choices they will make when I am not with them.
I feel most desperate when I don’t know what to do… how to comfort my child through a crisis or discipline my child when they need to learn a lesson. Mothering is so hard!
Kelli,
I had this same challenge of feeling guilty when they needed discipline. I just tried to be consistent and be very careful of my chosen consequence and stuck to them. It, often, broke my heart. They are brave adults, today, and I hope that I’ve given them the grounding that is necessary for them to be great parents. Mothering is so hard. Good job mom! You can do this, too.
For me, finding the balance between being involved and in control and letting go and letting them make choices for themselves, even if I can see how it will turn out in the end. I have three children…9, 15, 17. One still very much needs me to be involved in decision making while the other two very much need me to guide but allow them to make choices and learn for themselves what it means to make good ones! Difficult balance at times!
For me right now it is a challenge to be a mom of a 19 month old and be a pastor’s wife. I don’t feel like I can be the pastor’s wife because I am constantly having to watch my child and not be in the service much. My husband helps when he can but of course he is up there preaching and mentoring. I just feel like I fail at both sometimes. Just don’t know how to seperate both.
For me I suppose it’s different for both. For my toddler it’s not being able to understand what he wants or needs when he needs it. For my 5 year old it’s learning how to let go of not being able to protect her every minute of every day.
When my kids don’t listen, hear what they want to hear, and when they fight with one another!
My daughter is now in college and my son is in high school. I find that my stress level is greater now than it was when they were younger. Unfortunately, I have always been very controlling (although I try hard not to). So now that they are “out in the world” I find that they have a hard time making decisions of their own (since I always made decisions for them). I have instilled Christian values in them so I feel they make the right decisions morally, but they still rely on me to make all decisions. I pray that they learn to be more independent.
I am most desperate when I am having a bad day and the slightest trigger throws me into blow up mode. I hate taking out on my kids and my husband but often find the ones I love the most, I hurt the most. Hate it. It has gotten better thanks to God but still don’t like it. God has blessed me with a great husband and two even greater kids!
oh I love Sally Clarkson, thanks for the reminder to start reading her again!
The toughest part for me is now that they are young adults, it is very stressful to watch my husband, who was always so calm and full of grace to now get stressed because they are not on path that he hoped they would be. One seems to spend too much time not doing anything “productive” in my hubby’s eyes. Funny, I was the one who used to go crazy when they were younger, now I am the calmer one but the stress in the house still makes me need to find time to breath…….
I am desperate in that my family has endured so much especially the last few years and how to help them not only deal with what we have had to go through but to grow and not let it hurt them. My oldest son blames my husband and I and has gone to live with his grandmother who shares his sentiment. It is so hard because you want the best for your babies. I have 7 and figuring out and doing what is right for them is just not easy to always know let alone do. I could so use a help in this matter.
I feel most desperate…..everyday lately. My husband lost his job in November so right now we have to rely on my income only therefore I cannot spend as much time as I feel I need to with my 3 year old son. Along with working full time, trying to find a part time job to be able to pay for all of our bills, house keeping, cooking and then everything else life throws our way I feel very desperate. I feel like a terrible mother to my son. Along with not spending enough quality time with him I also tend to become short too and that’s not fair to him. Along with that I’ll let my son get away with many things and I know that is wrong and will affect now and later on in life. I pray daily for grace and patience and most of all hope!
I get most desperate when I see my children showing ungodly behaviour. And when I can’t control their behaviour and change it. when my words seem to go in one ear and out the other. And too many times I become desperate instead of letting go and letting God work.
this sounds like a great book I could have used when raising my children, I was desperate often! I know lots of Moms I could share this book with.
Thanks
I am most desperate in dealing with my 5 year old son. He was a special gift that came along when my older children were 11 and 14 and he is so different from either of them. He is very strong willed, very independent, very defiant and can be quite manipulative. Sometimes I wonder that I managed to raise two other children (one of whom has made unwise choices and walked away from God) ……. I wonder about my ability as a mother. I pray all the time to ask God how to parent this child, because I seem to be failing. Anyway … yeah, that’s my desperate moment.
I am a single mom to a 10 year old daughter who sufferies from OCD and Anxiety. Every day seems to be a struggle, but I feel so blessed that God gave me such a precious gift and the privliage to be her mom. I feel like I run out of steam most days. I still have blessings far more than I have complaints.
Trying to figure out the best way to take care of her health!!
Watching my kids struggle with learning disabilities makes me desperate! I feel so out of control and I wish I could make it easier for them. Their life is so hard and learning is so taxing on the whole family since we homeschool. I’m confident God is watching over us as we walk this journey…it’s just tough right now.
We have begun fostering two children, ages 9 and 11. This is our first fostering experience and having had 3 kids already (29 and married, 26 and on her own, and a 16 year-old) we thought this would be easy. Getting back into elementary school mode and just the stress of the holidays with family events, how to love them the way God wants us to and sometimes wanting my old “normal” back! It’s just a lot harder than I thought it would be! But I praise God for loving us through it and in it!
A few months ago I realized that my attempt to control them from making bad decisions was destroying my Health & sanity – it took someone wise outside of my family & friends to see what was happening & tell me that I just need to be there for them- because they will make mistakes – all my worrying & trying to control was only destroying my health & I wasn’t going to be around for them if I continued on that path. With 9 children 1-17 I still feel desperate almost daily but I’m doing my best & tell myself that has to enough because God won’t give me more than I can handle ..
I have a 3 1/2 year old and a 1 year old. Having my 3 year old, even at his young age, display bad behavior after I have asked him to not do something (even nicely) and hearing myself repeat the same thing over and over and over. The kicker is then the 1 year old copies him, and he doesn’t quite understand right and wrong behavior.
I am desperate to read this! I feel desperate on most days trying to deal with my daughter; age 10; turning into a preteen with the hormones all over the place and the smart mouth! I love her dearly and want her to make the right decisions. Motherhood is so draining during this season of parenting!
Oh so many worries and issues come to mind with that loaded question. I think for me right now it’s the fact that my kids are growing up and I’ve got to let God be in control. I have no idea how to raise them perfectly so I need to be there as I can and help in all ways I’m able but remember that with all of my controlling only one truly knows what they need!
I used to think it was when they were babies, then toddler hood came.I used to think it was toddler hood with the temper tantrums and testing the boundaries, then. it was school aged kids..and although I still have 3 school aged kids I also now have 2 young teens and that by far has been the hardest for me. Watching them be hurt by friends, facing peer pressure at school. The attitudes they develop, I swear the 2nd they got off the bus on the first day of Middle School. I get so weary from worry and the eye rolling. It’s so hard trying to let them grow up but at the same time having boundaries for them and protecting them as much as we can.
I want to “save” my kids from pain and bad decisions and the consequences that follow. But I know they need to learn for themselves and be in places that cause them to cling tightly to God and his promises.
As my kids are growing up I see that my control/influence is becoming more limited. I am becoming aware that my time with my children is short…they will be going to college within a few years and life as we all know it will change. I worry that I have not always made the best choices and not been the best mom and fear that my children will suffer as a result of this. I pray that they will always know that they are loved, not only by my husband and myself, but by a God who will be with them in every situation.
Watching my kids make choices that are not always the best and then watching them suffer the consequences.
I have a three-year-old, a two-year-old, and a baby due any day. None of these pregnancies were planned by us, and I’m still not sure I’m ready to be a mom.
I love my kids, but I have very little joy in mothering them. Both my boys are testing limits: my older one argues with everything I say, all the time, and my younger one just smiles and blatantly disobeys me. Being nine months pregnant just makes it that much more draining and tiring, and I have no idea how I’m going to handle three.
My 4 are under the age of 7, and by bedtime I am desperate! I try to make bedtime a nice experience, but my patience is very thin by that time.
it’s the relentlessness of it all – dishes, whining, messes, another meal time, bed time, do it all over again!
I think my desperation comes from my ability of now having no control in protecting and making choices for my children…my daughter will be leaving for college 4 hrs away in a couple of months and my son will be moving out when she does to finish his degree at another branch of his college. I’m a nurse so I go through all these scenarios of how if she gets sick I can’t get to her in time if she needs me and will they both know what to do if this or that happens. My mind knows that this is the process they need to go through to mature and it’s healthy and exciting and I want them to fly but my mother’s heart just aches because they will be leaving at the same time. If I say Psalm 91 1 time a day I say it 25 times a day over my children. Both of my children are saved, and they know our Lord. The problem lies with me…they are His, they always were, I just need to let go and truly trust Him that He has a wonderful plan for them. But when that fear rears it’s ugly head..it can take your breath away. I’m so thankful we serve a God who is merciful and He is always with us, our shelter in the storm.
sometimes I feel desperate just trying to get all the stuff done!
…. and I leave alot undone!
I feel really desperate when my son, a junior, is not as concerned with grades as he should be and worrying about college…even though he wants to go and has a career plan…I feel like he thinks it will just fall in his lap….feeling need to pull my hair out!!!
I feel more desperate in my mothering now that my kids are 15 and 19! I’m trying to show them the right path, what NOT to do, to make wise decisions and just let them (the 19 year old especially) grow up!. I want to be a good example, but sometimes I get very frustrated and feel like I’m talking to a wall. Of course frustration leads to a “loud” conversation (fight
) I pray for guidance everyday!
For me, it’s being consistent with discipline, making sure I treat both girls equal, and hoping I am leading the life I want them to lead.
I feel desperate when it comes to my daughters fighting and their relationship. I was not raised with a sibling, so the sibling dynamic is new to me. I worry about if I am doing the “right” thing when I try to help or intervene in a disagreement. Mothering in general can leave me feeling desperate; I struggle with feeling like I am not doing it right…..
When my 2 and 4 year olds don’t listen to me and don’t pick up when things are
disarray!!!! They sure test my patience!!!
When my almost four year old acts disrespectful (rolls eyes, talks back, etc) I feel helpless because I feel like I have taught her better than that and she is too young to start this already. Feel desperate as to how to respond and discipline in love.
What makes me desperate is the never-ending tasks associated with being a wife and mom and homemaker. There are no breaks, no days off, no sick days. I tried to explain to my husband how exhausting this is. He said if I really loved being a SAHM I wouldn’t complain and wouldn’t need a break.
When my oldest of 7 my 19 year old daughter moves outside of God’s umbrella of protection and makes unwise choices and knowing that she is going to suffer oh how my heart aches!!
It drives me crazy when my youngest son doesn’t listen and intentionally disobeys. But as much as that tears at my heart, what makes me desperate is that I have not given my adult children the Christian leadership and upbringing that I should have. I pray to God that it is not too late for them to come to know Jesus Christ and I pray for God’s help.
The part of parenting that makes me so desperate is being a working mom and trying to find a balance of work and family. I would love to be home with my boys!
I feel desperate in all areas of life but my most desperate times are when my husband and I are not on the same page parenting. I have a hard time trusting the Lord so I try to be the Holy Spirit. Time and time again I feel the Lord say to me they are not yours trust me. I believe we are desperate constantly for Him.
OUR SON AND DAUGHTER 41 AND 48 BOTH DIVORCED. IT MAKES ME A DESPARATE MOM WHEN I CAN’T FIXED THINGS FOR THEM.
Both are on their own – When they have financial or marital struggles.
I feel most desperate… today. I have grown children that struggle with addictions that I can’t fix. We also adopted two little boys whom I home school. Today has been a day of I don’t want to or I don’t know day. I just want to sit down and have a good cry.
Right now it’s in finding proper discipline. We’re so alike that we butt heads. I feel at a loss lately.
I’m most desperate when I see my teenagers not making good choices or not following through with something that may be so important for their future.
I also pray that my boys will make right choices. Sometimes they dont and we discuss the lessons learned. Sometimes there is no need to talk. I always pray that their roots will keep growing deep and they will produce good fruit.
Living 12 hours away from my grown kids makes me desperate when I know they are hurting and need a hug along with a shoulder to cry on.
Just having moved a thousand miles away from both sets of grandparents with baby #2 on the way.
My most desperate mothering comes from understanding we often need to make our own mistakes in order to learn but, I wish my kids would take my word for it a little more often and save themselves, and me and their dad, some pain.
what makes me a desperate mom? Well, I would have to say when I had to tell both of my girls that their grandfather was dying of cancer (after just loosing a grandparent from cancer a few years back) To hear my oldest say ” I hate cancer” “why is god taking the good ones away from us” To see your youngest too young to understand just cry and cry…to have your kids crawl into bed with you and you are hurting yourself so deeply that you dont know how to take your childrens pain away.
To then have to tell them just in 2012 that their “poppy” just passed away unexpectedly from a massive heatattack in his sleep while you are away having fun. To see their pain, is just so hard and not being able to take it all away.
To me that makes me a desperate mom. Not being able to take their pain away and to have to tell them that 3 of their grandparents are no longer with them, but always in their hearts and watching how they heal from it all.
I have all girls, and emotionally I always feel desperate and drained. I try not to beat myself up and feel I’ve failed. Daily is a battle to renew my mind!
What makes me a desparate mom, is losing hope because I constantly see myself as a failure. I become unglued to much, I’m not being the best godly influence, etc. These are the things that go thru my mind on a daily basis, making me a desparate mother!
I am desperate when I know that my bad habits, actions and behaviors are rubbing off on my children. But, the most honest answer would be, I am desperate when I feel like maybe I shouldn’t have become a Mom because it is just too overwhelming all the time.
Consistency is tough for me. I have an easy time threatening, but following through can be exhausting!
Not being able to control what the outside world thinks/says/does to my kids. One has some sensory challenges and that worries me.
My daughter is grown and no longer living at home. She is now 33. I made many mistakes and some really bad choices when my daughter was young and what makes me so desperate is that even though I have made better choices and live my life to the best of my ability, with the power of Jesus Christ, my daughter has chosen to cut me out of her life….many, many years after those bad choices ended. My desperation is in that I failed to teach her unconditional love. I have forgiven her for many things and will always love her unconditionally. Losing her 12 years after turning my life around is so difficult because I am powerless to change the past–I can only be the best person I can be today, through Jesus Christ.
God Bless,
Nancy
I am desperate to fix things for my children. I pray and pray that I will know what to do to help them past hurdles that seem to trip them up! I even wish so badly that I could go back and change decisions that I have made regarding my daughter so that maybe she would be in a different frame of mind now! Please pray with me for her and that she would see a glimpse of the bright future that God has planned for her.
I feel desperate when my kids are bickering! I want to help them see their sin in light of scripture and guide their hearts toward obedience and selflessness, but sometimes I feel inadequate and impatient.
I have 3 kids under 3. Just as I had my twins my toddler hit his terrible twos. That makes me desperate and tired and at the end of my rope.
I feel desperate when I think my grown daughters are making mistakes…and they’re not walking with God. And I feel desperate when my last daughter living at home and I get into a heated argument and I say things I regret.
I feel desperate trying to balance everything and wish for some time to relax and be refreshed. I know I am in a busy season of life and praying for wisdom.
What makes me feel most desperate as a mother is when my children allow the world to influence how they dress, eat, talk, feel, see themselves. It hurts me when I see not only my own children, but other children who are called children of God, yet they can’t seem to stop seeking their happiness, approval, acceptance in the things of the world. I know it’s not easy because I have been there and that is part of why I feel so desperate for my children. They allow the words of other children to degrade their self-esteem, to make them think their weird. That if they are not part of the “in” crowd, that they aren’t cool or normal. I can even be desperate over the words of their father when they go to visit with him. All I can do is pray, be a loving example of Jesus Christ, and continually remind them who they are in Christ, and that what is considered “cool” or “normal” is not always what they think it is.
I feel desperate when I know what those precious daughters of mine need (daily quiet time with the Lord and His Word, more rest, to take some time off from a friendship, practice piano), but they don’t see it. Sure, I can require them to do certain things (They’re only 16 and 11.), but I really want them to make right choices because they’re the right things to do, not because I nagged or threatened punishment or gave an ultimatum.
For me, what makes me so desperate is watching my special needs children struggle with normal, day-to-day activities and cannot do a darn thing to make things easier for them.
I feel so desperate in everything as a mom espically one who homeschools her kids and has to do everything pretty much on her own with no help from any one. Epsically hard when hubby is working overtime at work just to be able to have the help or a visit or break so that I could breathe
My husband is trying to learn how to overcome challenges from a neurological disorder that affects his relationships. I often feel like a single parent with an extra child, which makes parenting a tween girl and her siblings rough at times. Last night I cried and most definitely felt desperate! I needed this post today. He does his best and is always sorry when he says hurtful things or things that make no sense. I pray that his love will be stronger in the kids’ memories than his challenges.
For me, its watching my teenagers’ relationship with girlfriend head south. You know it, you see it but he doesn’t see it. But they have to learn from their mistake. Its a lesson learned on what a relationship is suppose to look like and whats its not to look like. Thankfully, he walked away learning that lesson.
I have a 3 year old, and I feel desperate most of the time. I have no idea how to get her to just listen to what I say!
Biggest struggle… giving them my full attention. I tend to want to ‘check out’ a lot when I am stressed and tired!
I lost my dad a year ago and have been struggling to juggle motherhood since. I was a stay at home at home/homeschooling of a toddler and 1st grader. The thing that leaves me most desperate is loving my kids but not able to have patience with them of experience the joy of motherhood. It’s not their fault but I can’t seem to connect as I once did and I miss that joy of mothering that seems so burdensome. That makes me feel guilty and I have to be intentional to make time and spend quality time and make myself have fun with them when it used to be so natural. It slowly gets better but still not where I’d like to be.
My biggest struggle is being screamed and yelled at by my 12 year-old daughter, when she’s not spouting out derogatory comments to everyone in the family. If I address each offense head-on, I won’t have time to do anything else. I believe I’m helping her learn the powers of persuasion (she doesn’t get her way with those tantrums, but sometimes it’s a loooonnggg wait till she realizes she won’t. lol) and not being manipulative. I just don’t know whether I’m doing the right thing.
what makes me desperate is when my tweens are treating me disrespectfully and I’m taking electronics away and living through that!!
I feel most desperate when I have too many balls in the air and the ones I drop are the ones that affect my children. With the Christmas chaos I forgot to sign my child up for the second session of cross country ski lessons and it filled up. He loves skiing and I felt awful letting hime know he may not be able to do it. A spot did open and it was a testimony of prayer works!
I am most desperate every time I say that I am going to let my children deal with their choices and then the next time something happens, I try to fit it.
Being consistent. Training with joy even when it took 75, yes seventy-five, minutes to get my son’s socks on him this morning if you start the clock from the first request to finally getting them on and the tantrums in between. I think this book is for me!
I wish all of you sweet mamas a break! I understand so much the feelings and the weight but you are your children’s heroes. What heartfelt thoughts are here. May you know God’s sweet grace and peace in your lives today.
Thanks for stopping by Sally!!!
I feel desperate a lot. Trying to convince my children to make wise decisions, trying to lead them to the Lord, just trying to get enough sleep! I’m grateful for the peace that I have already in Christ, but reading this book will surely be a blessing and help too.
The part of motherhood that leaves me desperate is the fact that even though I am married I feel like I carry the weight of parenting all alone. I am a stay at home mom who home schools three out of four children. Being with them 24/7 makes me feel more like a task master who is checking off all the to do checklist in my day rather than being a “Mom” who’ s making happy memories.
Always being consistent in teaching a child right from wrong. Also, I would like to hope it is a good idea to bring them up with some of your values in order that a small part of you might be instilled in them forever to help them be a more responsible adult when they grow up. Being a parent certainly has it challenges on a daily basis in today’s times, but I know all parents do the best they can with what they have to offer their child…hopefully lots of love and attention. Daily prayer can also help keep a devoted parent on track who truly love their children and want the best for them.
I feel helpless and desperate when the children witness the inconsistencies of adults and start wondering why & what – very hard to explain to their young mind the faults of the adults that they are looking up to for guidance and support….
Smart. Mouthed. Children!!!!
I feel desperate when my 2 year old daughter cries for hours and won’t go to sleep.
I feel desperate when I take my 3 year old son to his third speech therapy session of the week and then hear him scream at other kids at a play date because he still can’t talk, and I worry about what his future will hold.
My tendency toward perfectionism is the element that makes me feel most desperate.
The sleepless nights make me feel desperate. My youngest is about to turn 1 and I have yet to get a full nights’ rest-it’s tough.
The part of mothering that leaves me most desperate is disobedience from my kids. They’re both extremely strong willed and correcting their behavior takes lots of work. I’m left feeling exhausted, exasperated and embarrassed, especially when they misbehave in public.
I fear that my boys will have issues in later relationships due to problems that my husband and I have had. I fear that I am not the parent that GOD intended me to be. I love my boys, I just want them to grow to be the men that GOD has planned for them and not make the crazy mistakes that have followed me my entire life.
The not listening drains me… I keep repeating myself getting louder every time even though I know that yelling does not work… It’s so draining and gets me no where!
I’m despairing over my middle daughter who at 18 has almost daily given us extreme stress. She has moved away without telling us where she is and I never know when I’ll see her. I cry all the time with worry. My youngest seems to have no regard for laws, or getting good grades in school. It has been a year from hell. I’m a desperate mom for sure.
I’m desperate to know how to lead my children, as individuals, in the midst of the teen and tween years. What is motivating to one is unbelivably discouraging to the other, and vice versa.
WOW – what makes me feel desperate? I feel desperate when my husband and I don’t agree on discipline, when my toddler is aggressive physically when frustrated. I am also feeling desperate at becoming a mom of 2 in a few weeks. Going from 1 to 2 is intimidating!
With 5 kiddos 10 and under with the youngest being 18 month old twins, I am constantly feeling desperate! Mobility with the twins has me in constant motion. They require ALOT of attention and my 4 (girl) year old suffers. Then my 7 (girl) and 10 (boy) year old seem to be fighting constantly…. I could really use this book!
I get frustrated and desperate my girls refuse to listen and do as I ask and also when they fight.
Feeling like I mess up a lot, not being able to see past my mistakes to what I do right. And not seeing my mistakes in light of trying really hard but being human.
I am a new mom. My little boy is 7 months old. I’m a full-time working mom as a high school teacher. What has made me most desperate is the lack of truths about how hard it is. So many women share these fantasy stories of “it’s the best thing ever” without a mention of the hardships. Not many women pepper those conversations with how difficult it really is at times. No ones talks about holding that two month old for hours, who is screaming and crying while you, too, start crying out of pure desperation. It seems that so many women take it as a badge of honor to make sure everyone thinks everything is perfect and their lives are full of only smiles and giggles. If more women were “real” and honest and open about their challenges and struggles, that feeling of desperation we have all felt as moms wouldn’t come with a dose of embarrassment, guilt, or frustration. THAT is the desperation I feel. A desperation for honesty, true expressions of motherhood, and comfort in the sisterhood that should exist. I once read a quote, “It’s not always good in the Mother-Hood!” Hilarious. And true.
When my son was little, I attended a “play group” that was really a “mommy group.” The first day the group met, the leader said, “If any of you can’t admit that you have sat on the kitchen floor crying, this isn’t the group for you, because we are going to be honest here.” What a relief! Keep looking, and you will find like minded support.
My desperation comes from the fighting between my children.
I get desperate when I try my best to talk to my kids, really talk to help them understand life and learn from my mistakes or the mistakes of others. I get frustrated when no matter how much I try to help them by being upfront and completely honest with them, they just don’t listen or regard anything I have to offer them. I know part of growing up is making mistakes and learning from them, but I truly try to be completely honest with my children so that some day when they need to come to me and know that I’ll be completely honest with them, that they can count on me.
I don’t pretend to be perfect – we talk through everyday situations as they happen.
Feeling like I just cannot get it all done: homeschool, training, laundry, dishes, cleaning, and role modeling, as well as being a good wife. Sometimes it is just so overwhelming and you do feel desperate to breathe! Only with the Lord’s help do I make it through some days in one piece!
Relentless is one word to describe my 5 year old. This equals the part of mothering that leaves me most desperate! She’s trying, she’s independent, she’s brutally honest, she’s mine. What a challenge this presents, but what a blessing she is from God! We love her dearly and pray often!
Trying to get everything done. Perfectionistic tendencies.
My desperation is when I just can’t seem to get my kids to stop fighting/arguing with each other. The more I try the more frustrated I become and then we are all arguing. It’s becoming a nightmare just to wake up and I dread what each day will hold. I could handle it if it was the odd disagreement here or there but not an ongoing battle every day.
When I allow my child to push my buttons….
My most desperate moments come when I lose it and feel like a failure or that I am the only one who ever yells at her children. I want to be a parent who is an example of Christ always to my children.
Not being able to protect them from being hurt by others. I feel helpless when they get hurt. Kids can be so mean.
My girls are grown now and have children of their own….I feel desparate when I see them making some of the same mistakes I made as a Mom.
That’s easy. I get desperate when my kids start acting in an irrational manner (such as throwing a fit) and I cannot do a thing about it to stop it right then.
This sounds perfect for where I am right now! I am a mom to 4 and foster mom to 2. I’ve been a SAHM for just over a year, sometimes I’m not sure I can make it through the day. I feel like I’m where God wants me to be, but doubt creeps in when I’m feeling so overwhelmed!
I feel most desperate while trying to raise my daughter with Christ as her foundation and struggling to work with a chronic illness of the brain. It can be challeging because she is watching me walk out my faith in Christ. Trusting in him
In His Hands,
I feel desperate when my oldest daughter makes poor choices and then alienates me. She views me as her worst enemy rather than her greatest cheerleader.
My husband went back to school to become an RN while my children were young. I had to work to help put him through school and try to keep everything else afloat so he could concentrate on his schooling. Consequently, I went into survival mode and know that I was not as consistent or even as present as I wanted to be w/my kids. Now I feel desperate because I feel like I missed my chance and I’ve messed up my kids. I know that’s it’s not too late, but feel overwhelmed as we are entering the teen years.
Would love to win a copy of this book! I feel desperate for some personal space and time with 3 small ones. Thankfully over Christmas break my dear husband let me have some quiet time at the library and he helped out a lot here at home. It really does help to have some time to be refreshed it is just hard to get that on a regular basis! Now he is back to work and I am back to reality!
What makes me desperate is the constant driving of life – get up & ready for school, work demands, home from school, dinner, bath, bed, bills, exercise, time with the Lord, time with my husband, time with my family. My husband works long days for us, which leaves me with carrying the responsibilities on the home front. It’s hard and I get tired and desperate.
When I feel my attention is divided between my kids and all my other responsibilities I begin to feel desperate and see the need to refocus. Life can get so hectic!
I am most desperate during times when my children behave in not so loving ways. At times the fear of their unmoving actions bring me to tears. I believe this is God’s way of bring my to pay for them alot and often.
I feel the most desperate when I am constantly disciplining my teens when they have been told before, they know and are testing, and continually nagging me to change my mind. grrrrr. Thats when I get envious of my neighbors who have dogs for kids.
I have felt ‘Desperate’ many many times while I was a single Mom. Now that my girls are both grown with families of their own…I still feel that at times. I have tried many times to try to help them avoid heartache and I end up being the ‘bad guy’. I have since learned to just let go and let God handle …what was not mine to begin with! I cannot wait to read this book!!!
What leaves me feeling desperate is when my 11yr daughter has melt downs like when she was 5! We know she understands that it’s not okay. There are times I feel like pulling my hair out! She can be such a loving and caring girl and then moments later, she’s being mean to her sisters and talking “sassy” to me. We’ve prayed for her and with her. We’ve shared scripture with her and she tries really hard to control it. We will not give up on her…
That ol’ desperate feeling often comes when I think we’ve made a breakthrough with a character issue in one of our children just to see the flesh rear its ugly head in an even more dramatic fashion. I must depend on the Holy Spirit to do His work (in them and in me).
What leaves me feeling desperate is wishing I had done more to guide them in their Christian walk and give them a better example of Christ. Also, the challenge of raising teenagers. I have 3 of them, all going through something completely different and not knowing how to deal with each one of their needs.
Karen – I can’t imagine a mom who would not benefit from a read like this! For me my greatest mom challenge is helping my son heal wounds suffered at the hands of someone who was supposed to love him – there is no go to guide for this kind of hurt, but thankfully we serve a go to God and His grace is sufficient!!
Being a mom can be very draining at times. I’m eager to check out this book! Even better if I would win one (that would probably make it more likely too…)!
I feel desperate trying to be involved and talk to my teenagers but they say I am getting on their nerves talking and asking questions. Then you add in their attitude and hormones and you find a desperate mom
I think the thing that leaves me feeling the most desperate is the lack of time for myself. I need time to just be alone and be me and with a toddler that is hard to get!
Amy,
When my eldest daughter was a toddler, I had to take her out of her crib because she was climbing out of it and putting her in a toddler bed that did not confine her drove me insane, almost. (she walked at 6.5 months and so maybe she was a baby not a toddler) So I put a lock on the door, from the outside, and sat at the door for hours, in the beginning. I sat there and tried to console her back to bed,sometimes reading her books, most of the time praying, but with the door between us. It didn’t take long and I did only let her crying go on for five minutes before I went in, each time, to hug her back to bed.
One time, when I had many children at home, even doing respite (sp?) care of other challenging children so other mother’s could have a break, someone at church found me hiding in my pantry in tears. She tried to call and get me some time with other mother’;s to help me and was told I needed to be taught differently and I didn’t need the help.
I was so upset.
But, a few weeks later, I called that sister back and asked her to visit. She taught me many wonderful things. She said find some soft music that comforted me, find a couple of inspiring books, and make time for me, even if the house wasn’t perfect. I didn’t think I could do it. But I tried and my little book nook chair became my solace after the children were sound asleep.
Instead of doing the laundry one night, I read instead. I had sorted the laundry on the kitchen floor for the next day and that night the neighbor (conjoined) had a washing machine hose break and flooded both of our houses. My laundry worked like a dam, preventing my whole house, like hers, from all the damage. I felt so blessed for my training and felt that I could know who to leave the burdens to.. The Master. Good luck
When everyone (I have seven) needs me at once…
I feel most desperate when my 11 year old son pulls away from me. When he was younger, I yelled at him too much. I have been in counseling and have really changed my behavior toward him, but, he is still carrying anger toward me. It’s so hard for me to see the hurt he still carries. It makes me feel desperate. Sometimes I think he would be better off with another mother! I know we will prevail, and be better down the road. I also know the pain I feel is nothing compared to the hurt I gave to him by yelling at him. I’m just desperate to have things get better.
Shelly,
There were times when my now adult children were younger. My eldest daughter was so hurt by feeling she was punished more than the others for the same “crime.” (and I am a yeller with stress) But I was consistent and she never stopped yelling at me from time-out, so she was given a few more minutes, often.
Now she’s older and in her third year of college and she see’s now that (or forgets as she tells me she never felt that way or said that) real life is challenging without a manual, and she appreciates my consistencies. Good luck.
i think it is when my 2 yr old is trying to get my attention while im taking care of my 6 mo olds needs.. i just feel like i dont have enough for both sometimes…
Coley,
There was a time in my previous life (as it seems to me now) that I had to find time to occupy many children while I ran two businesses from home. My husband was full time ship-bound Navy and I was the serious Widow left to do it all way too often.
What helped me was a fun box that I stored on the refrigerator. It only came down when I needed to distract myself from a child for another child or the children from a client in person or on the phone. I just put the box on the floor and when the situation changed up went the box. The box was just fun stuff that they over enjoyed, like stickers, coloring books (now they have washable markers, oh the joy that would have been, but I had a big kitchen floor that I was able to keep them on.
I knew I never had the time and I fell into a trap of personal obsessiveness of perfect clean home, for clients and daycare. I, often, only really rested at nap time. (It also helped to have a secured back yard, locked so they couldn’t get out.. there was a few sitting moments when I didn’t have to run to someone’s rescue. I savored those mere moments and looked forward to my Sunday, after church nap. Good luck. We can only do what can do, without manuals.
Life and it’s twists and turns makes me desperate, Something is always changing and between work, home and all the in between stuff there just never seems to be enough of me to go around.
I feel so desperate when my kids fight and argue and make bad choices that can really hurt them. I’ve caught my kids being disobedient and lying and being ugly to others at times and it breaks my heart. I so want the best for them.
My most desperate times as a mom were an ugly custody battle when my boys were a about 7 and 3 (and my ex disappearing w/ them for the longest 24 hrs. of my life; since we hadn’t been to court yet we both had equal rights to them and since he was a teacher and it was almost Christmas break, he could have kept them away for 10 days until our court date; he only brought them back when the police chief contacted his girlfriend and got a message through that scared my ex enough to bring them back) and as they were older, my older son had some problems w/ depression in HS and college. My sons have been able to have free college tuition since their dad is now a college professor (and we get along great now, btw.) My older one had trouble deciding on a major and that and girl problems contributed to two different semesters when he just quit going to class toward the end of the semesters, ruining his grades and greatly upsetting his father and me. I’m happy to report he hasn’t had problems w/ depression in several yrs. (he was only on meds for about a yr.), he has a 4-yr. relationship w/ a lovely girl (they’re engaged) and he graduated w/ good grades last May, at age 23, only a yr. late. He’s happy, productive, employed, helpful and responsible–I couldn’t ask for more from him. His younger brother is a sophomore in college and doing great also–we’re very blessed.
Good job mom. I understand the depression that my son also faces, while trying not to feel guilty that he inherited it, far back, like I have. I haven’t ever told him that he is depressed, but I can tell when he’s lazy and he’s still at home, full time. My girls are in school, out of state, and the other a local Nanny that lives at home on her days off. I just work on the knees with carpet burns, in prayer, as much as I can for us all.
Karen,
~Heidi
Please excuse me hogging your blog with my replies. I just feel compelled as an almost empy nester (21 year old still lives at home, full time.) that I can at least share my own experiences. I love your blog and wonder if this book will benefit an empty nester. I can’t say that I know everything ever.. I just have the childhood raising experiences of more than just my own children. There were days when I had eight children under four! Honestly, I don’t know how I got anything done and yet I got more done then that I can today.
I would love to read this one… thanks for the opportunity.