Today is kind of a big day for me.
Oh, you wouldn’t really know it by looking at how I’m dressed; periwinkle St. Simon’s Island t-shirt and grey workout pants.
Nor would you know it from looking at my calendar. Nothing is listed on today’s white square.
However, many miles away today, a committee of professional people, dressed not in sweats, will peruse the pages of a book project proposal and decide its fate.
This morning, my heart wanders and wonders. Will they like it? Will they think it is clever and needed? Will they be willing to take a chance on it determining that it is something that will sell? That will help women?
A thumbs up will mean months of work will be rewarded with a yes.
It will also mean discipline and focused time. It will have to come from Somewhere. Hmmmm….where to carve and scrape? And it will mean asking your opinion as I test-drive some of the material here on my blog.
It will also, I know from experience, mean highs and heartaches; brain dumping one day and thumping my fingers on the desk another day with absolutely nothing to say.
But I will not lie to you. I so hope it is a yes.
However, I too know from experience, that is could be a thumbs down. That will mean painful feelings from my past and negative-self talk will once again threaten to beat me up with their ugly banter and rhetoric: “failure”, “reject”, “not good enough” or more frequently “not as good as her”
However, despite the outcome (which I will not know for weeks) I will choose to block out the screams of condemnation and strain instead to hear the still small voice of God and repeat His timeless truths out loud, letting them penetrate my soul.
“The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness.” Jeremiah 31:3
Yes, my past has seen much pain and rejection; dashed hopes and dreams; folly and failure. But I will not let it define me. For the God holds the ultimate trump card of my life. He always has.
He loves me with an everlasting love. No mention there of fleeting, performance-based, conditional approval.
Maybe you, like me, need to take that one to the bank today sweet sister.
So instead of pondering big things today, I will simply do what a dear mentor of mine taught me to do many years ago.
Let it go.
Then… do the next thing.
For me, that means hitting the treadmill and then grabbing a cup of coffee before kicking off my ordinary day full of laundry and dusting; feeding my family and answering emails.
How about you? Anyone else need to stop wandering and wondering and just do the next thing?